Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A dissertation on the Hello Kitty for MAC cosmetics ad

I knew it. I've always thought Hello Kitty has some dark secret -- like, I dunno, licking herself in various crevices, doing it with four cheetahs at a time, drunk dialing and having phone sex with strangers -- but this is just icing on the cake!!!

Welcome to Hello Kitty's S&M dungeon. The cave's entrance (1:29): a deliciously pink flower swollen enough to accommodate not just one... erm, pussy, but two! (Soundtrack: "Come inside, come inside") The metaphor would surely delight lesbians the world over.

Inside, the naive-naive-an girl is greeted by Hello Kitty's dungeon headmistress who is seen pouring lubricant all over the place (2:04). In a subtle homage to Alma Moreno, headmistress is next seen swaying left and right with four half-naked men with Hello Kitty heads (2:14).

Neneng joins the fray. No wallflower, she positions herself at the center of the naked men, who all gamely welcome her (2:32). To the girl's dismay, the men turn out to be gay so she buries her head in her arms in shame for not being able to tell yet again! (2:35).

Immediately, the boys discover na ang tigas ng katawan nung bagong salta na neneng, so they try to knead the knots in her body with their fingertips (2:43).

Headmistress is not amused by the latest recruit's talent. In Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah fashion (2:55), she invokes her inner goddess and shows neneng how it's done: beginning with her sexy, luray-luray come-on walk (2:57), following it up with a strong, Cleokittypatra formation (3:07), and finishing with a fantastic Tyra Banks-Next Top Model-still in the running-high fashion pictorial-ihi lang ang pahinga-at may lubricant pa ang floor sa lagay na yan-pose-off (3:18).

Neneng is blown away by the headmistress's earth-shattering skills (3:45); she couldn't handle it. However, starstruck girls with no talent are not welcome in the dungeon. She is kicked out and given a doll as consolation.

See all that action here:

So how does this translate the Hello Kitty brand? Simple.

Hello Kitty is not for little girls anymore.

Unleash the sex kitten in you.
Hello Kitty for MAC cosmetics.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Woody

No runny nose required
I may have become more prude than I thought judging by the number of times I rolled my eyes during Vicky Cristina Barcelona. (By the way, I love Penélope Cruz -- but come on, Academy -- anyone who steals a scene away from Meryl, with running nose and all, deserves an Oscar! And also, for that, Sophia Loren deserves an honorary Oscar for her taray, hands-on-her-hip intro on Meryl, lol.)

My problem was that I saw Woody Allen in Javier Bardem, and how he, Allen, seemingly longed to (sexually) exploit Vicky, Cristina and Maria Elena aka Rebecca Hall, Scarlett Johansson and Penélope, but could only do so through Bardem.

Sobrang stretch ba? Hehe...

Anyhoo, I thought it wasn't so much about love as it was about selfishness, e.g., having your cake and eating it too. There was no sacrifice on the part of Bardem aka Allen -- while all three women, perhaps with the least contribution from Cristina, had to go through pain in different manners.

The film was funny and it did make me question my own, boxed up concepts of social norms, which I think what the movie is really all about, fine I get that, but I couldn't help but wonder, if maybe, the film was essentially a masturbatory fantasy of the writer/director -- and I paid to see it. (Fortunately, Barcelona the city was breathtaking.)

Monday, February 16, 2009

How to miss a flight

Definitely not like this:

Warning: May be intensely funny.

If you're wondering about what she's saying, it's: "Ibig mong sabihin walang mamon at ohraynge juice sa flight na to????"


But seriously, if missing that flight was that big a deal, shouldn't she have checked in earlier? Translations anyone? :-)

Friends no more

To use a gasgas corporate term, I am presently "streamlining" my online presence. I suddenly grew paranoid about how much information about me are out there. While I've exactly no regrettable online artifacts -- I mean, I've no nude pics/videos whatsoever :-P -- I thought I'd be a bit more private moving forward.

I actually started deleting my various web accounts last year but tonight, the latest casualty was Friendster. While I've maintained a pretty decent profile there -- no cheesy graphics and crazy fonts; my testimonials, photos, caption and spelling were generally proper -- I've added people in my list who weren't exactly my friends. The bulletin updates from some of them began to irritate me. There were unwelcome testimonials, mostly spam, that came with videos and flash animation. Pages weren't immediately refreshed; old info would stay until one clears his cache, log out and reload the page. There'd be broken images of one's photos as well.

And there's Facebook now.

I wasn't immediately a fan -- all that "poking" didn't appeal to me at all -- but eventually, I grew to love its simplicity, especially the layout. The privacy settings also gave a lot of flexibility to cater to anyone's preferences. Most importantly, you won't know who views you. Trust me, that simplifies what are already complicated relationships among us peeps.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Brings out thy eyes

Happy Valentine's Day! :-)

The Tower
When the boy reached the tower, he called up to the girl.
“Throw down thy hair,” he shouted.
He climbed up her long, braided locks and entered the only window there was which was ten stories high and also served as the only entrance and exit. When he got in, he kissed the girl and said to her, “Let me fix thy hair, my love.”
She was puzzled by this, but she let him.

The boy ended up cutting her locks, leaving her with a chic, shoulder length head of hair.

She gasped when she realized what happened. “Dost thou not know what thou hast done?” she exclaimed. “There is no other way in nor out and thou shalt remain here, imprisoned with none but me as companion till the breaking of the world.”

The boy just smiled and said, “Thy hair is prettier that way. It brings out thy eyes.”

LOL, makeover ang pucha.

Excerpted from
Ten Tales About A Boy About A Girl by J. Pocholo Martin Goitia.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

MiBama Mania

I sketched these during the height of anticipation over what Michelle Obama would wear during Inauguration Day. I didn't really take it into consideration whether she'd actually wear these -- the obvious answer would be no, lol.

For the oath-taking:

A (faux) fur stole over a two-tiered, side-pleated red coat and blue dress, with boots.

And for the Inaugural Ball:

Jewel-neck, backless blue gown with a giant rosette at the knees. Hair rosette, optional, lol. I know, I know, it's a wee bit prom-like. And vaudeville French :-P

Monday, February 09, 2009

Milk, Sheila, buses

I saw Milk the other day -- by the way, great movie -- and there were these two seemingly straight dudes in front of me. By the looks of it, they were forced by their female partners into watching it (I'm not exactly sure if I'd be happy with that, read on). What I couldn't stand was how the dudes had to go to such great lengths to show how disgusted they were by two guys kissing onscreen.

They bury their heads in their hands, their girlfriend's armpit or handbag; they grunt; they shift in their seats.

There wasn't even tongue action going on -- it was just two guys lip-locking.

Ang aarte ng mga puta.

* * * *
Sheila Villanueva, a 25-year-old maid earning $2 a day, has five children.

"I married at eighteen. I had my first baby by the time I was nineteen. Then the babies came, one after the other," she said.

"Life is so hard, kids get sick easily, prices of goods are so high. That's one of the reasons why I don't want them to have too many kids," she said.

Still, Villanueva said she would not use contraceptives.

"Even if they say you'll end up with too many kids, I don't get swayed by their persuasions, I won't use those contraceptives," she said.

From CNN, Philippines debates government promotion of contraception

Para sa iyo Sheila, isang tumataganting na LOLers!!!!!

* * * *
"If more people think for themselves, we'll have fewer religious people."

From Time, Christians and Atheists Battle in London Bus Wars

Thursday, February 05, 2009

The District

Fan of The City? spoofs the MTV reality show renaming it The District, starring no less than US President Barack Obama.

I love the language:
Barack: "There are the Democrats, like my best friends Joe and Hillary. We used to be frenemies when we were all running for the Democratic nomination. Now, they're totally on team Barack."


Even the opening credit is funny -- it got The City's down pat.

Can't wait for episode two!

Monday, February 02, 2009

Facebook friends

I "unfriend-ed" an ex-colleague in Facebook. Early this morning, his status message was along the lines of "Asks for prayers for the Pope. These are difficult times for him and for the whole Church." I thought the Pope was dying, and to be honest, such news wouldn't have disrupted my aura or anything, so I quickly scanned the headlines.

I wouldn't want to dwell on them because I don't want to waste my time on the Pope and his shenanigans, but apparently, he had recently appointed a priest, who was known to have denied the holocaust, to a high post.

I considered deleting ex-colleague in my list but I thought that hey, I have my beliefs and he has his own, so I'll respect that...

... until he writes a new Facebook status that said "Prays that the Holy Father be protected against the ravenous wolves within the Church."

It only took me seconds to hit that "x" button.

I mean, seriously? To deny the holocaust? I thought he was praying for the Pope's enlightenment, but apparently, he equates critics of the papal appointment -- by Catholics, specifically -- to ravenous wolves.

I've had several blog posts that attack the Pope and I've received comments that say, just let him be -- he is there to defend the Establishment -- and I get that. My beef with him, along with religious fanatics, is how they force their beliefs on others, not by simply airing their opposition to "un-Catholic" ideas, but by actually taking steps to block (or revert, as in the case of Prop 8) causes not adhering to their beliefs.

I can't be friends, not even "Facebook friends," with them.

Error decrypting message

Di kami magka-intindihan ng computer ko.

Una, di ko nawala o nabura ang Digital ID ko.
Pangalawa, di ko inilapat ang Digital ID ko sa ibang computer.
Pangatlo, para sa akin talaga ang mensahe na ito -- bakit ka ba nakikialam?
Pang-apat, maayos naman ang security package ng computer ko. Baka security setting mo ang may topak. Nakaka-insulto din na iyong kini-kwestyon ang "package" ko.

Umayos ka.

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